Our Practices Make Us Who We Are"How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, Practice, Practice"musicians sayingWhen I was a young I was in trouble a lot. I was lucky to live in a small town in Texas, and so was never called at risk. People just said,I hope Mike grows out of it. I kept trying to think about my problems rather than do something different. I always thought my problem was a lack of insightif I got the right idea I would be fine. But then I finally got some wonderful help from a tough talking older lady from Los Angeles. Roz said over and over to me, You can act your way into right thinking, but you cant think your way into right acting. She said, If you care about changing-- then do something. Roz used to say, Love is a verb not a noun. I finally understood action mattered a lot more than my ideas.and I started changing my action, and things got better.Over the years Ive traveled many different places working with groups doing ABCD work. I have seen many organizations that feel like inhospitable dead zones while talking about community, and seen some other organizations that feel completely alive with a beating heart you can hear. One place you feel like if you had a heart attack and died, people would step over you, and wait for someone to clean you up later. In another place you feel like a long lost brother. Why is a place one way and not the other way? Just lucky?I was once working with a religious congregation that was very welcoming to me, and I said to a lady Mary whod been a member there a long time, You all are so kind to me. Its amazing. Mary patted me on the shoulder and said, Mike it has absolutely nothing to do with you. It stopped me... And after a few moments of silence, then we both started laughing.Mary started to tell me about the commitments people make as members there. She called them our practices that make us who we are. One thing they do is to meet anyone they dont know. Another is that any group has room for one more person. They dont say you cant play. Another is that they go towards anyone they dont like. I asked what that means? Mary said ,We know you cant hold a negative label or stereotype about someone if you actually get to know them. For example.. if I think all teenage boys are dangerous and bad, then I make a special effort to get to know teenage boys as real people."Whenever I find a group who is living hospitality with a strong sense of community I have been asking and looking for the practices that make them who they are. I see that groups who are welcoming have intention. People make commitments to practices. Practices are intentional actions we do over and over. They take our ideas into action to be fulfilled. A wise elder once said to me about commitments to practices , We dont make decisions, so much as decisions make us.Hospitable groups make commitments to practices to create a container that can hold the water of the meaning and life of their shared experience. Some of the practices of hospitality that matter greatly are kindness, genersosity, forgiveness, welcoming, invitation, and humanness. And many more practices are important.Hospitality is not helping someone but accompanying someone. The practice of hospitality turns strangers into friends, and transforms our lives in the process.Greater is an act of hospitality than an encounter of the divine presence-The Talmud